I don’t know if there’s any one else out there who’s ever bought a TV and lost the manual only to find later that you need it to reset the moronic V-Chip in it to watch anything but Sponge Bob but… in case anyone ever does look it up on the web, I have not found this answer anywhere else so I will post it on my blog to stand as a beacon and a thumb in the eye of Bill stupid ass Clinton and his clowny time V-Chip. To reset the Megavision Hyvision 192 TV/monitor’s V-chip setting (and for the most part any other V-Chip enabled TV who’s manual you’ve lost) all you need to do is type in 0000 (numbers not letters) and it will unlock the stupid v-chip lock. I hope this helps!
If a conservative doesn’t like guns, he doesn’t buy one. If a liberal doesn’t like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn’t eat meat. If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for everyone.
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life. If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his situation. A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
If a conservative doesn’t like a talk show host, he switches channels. Liberals demand that those they don’t like be shut down.
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn’t go to church. A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
(Unless it’s a foreign religion, of course!)
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it. A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
If a conservative reads this, he’ll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh. A liberal will delete it because he’s “offended”.
After being interviewed by the school administration, the prospective teacher said:
‘Let me see if I’ve got this right.
‘You want me to go into that room with all those kids, correct their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse, monitor their dress habits, censor their T-shirt messages, and instill in them a love for learning.
‘You want me to check their backpacks for weapons, wage war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases, and raise their sense of self esteem and personal pride.
‘You want me to teach them patriotism and good citizenship, sportsmanship and fair play, and how to register to vote, balance a checkbook, and apply for a job.
‘You want me to check their heads for lice, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, and make sure that they all pass the final exams.
‘You also want me to provide them with an equal education regardless of their handicaps, and communicate regularly with their parents in English, Spanish or any other language, by letter, telephone, newsletter, and report card.
‘You want me to do all this with a piece of chalk, a blackboard, a bulletin board, a few books, a big smile, and a starting salary that qualifies me for food stamps.
‘You want me to do all this and then you tell me. . . I CAN’T PRAY!!!”
Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an
Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new
program that I will explain using the Q and A format:
“Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?*
“A. It is money that the federal
government will send to taxpayers.
“Q. Where will the government get this
“A. From taxpayers.
“Q. So the government is giving me back my
“A. No, they are borrowing it from China.
Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.
“Q. What is the purpose of this payment?*
“A. The plan is that you will use the
money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating
“Q. But isn’t that stimulating the
economy of China?*
“A. Shut up.”
Below is some helpful advice on how to best
help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the
money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo
Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda
If you purchase a computer it w ill go to
to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala (unless you buy
If you purchase prescription drugs it will go
If you purchase heroin it will go to the
Taliban in Afghanistan
If you give it to a charitable cause, it will
go to Nigeria.
can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales,
going to a baseball game, or
spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or
tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the
It’s so good to be informed!
See if you can guess which franchise we’re talking about from these hints…
have been accused of spousal abuse
have been arrested for fraud
have been accused of writing bad checks
have directly or indirectly
bankrupted at least 2 businesses
have done time for assault
get a credit card due to bad credit
have been arrested on drug-related charges
have been arrested for shoplifting
are defendants in lawsuits, and
have been arrested for drunk driving
the last year
you guess which organization this is?
up yet? . . Scroll down,
it’s the 435 members of the
United States Congress
same group of Idiots that crank out
hundreds of new laws each year
designed to keep the rest of us in line.
gotta pass this one on!
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A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.
He asked, ‘What are all those clocks?’
St. Peter answered, ‘Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.’
‘Oh,’ said the man, ‘whose clock is that?’
‘That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she
never told a lie.’
‘Incredible,’ said the man’. And whose clock is that one?’
St. Peter responded, ‘That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved
twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.’
‘Where’s Obama’s clock?’ asked the man.
‘Obama’s clock is in Jesus’ office.
He’s using it as a ceiling fan.